What Not to Wear--in corporate hell

Female body parts that typically elicit chiding when displayed in the workplace:
1. Boobs
2. Asses
3. Bellies/midriffs
4. Upper thighs

Female body parts/aspects of general demeanor for which I've been chided for displaying in the workplace(presupposing all the body parts listed above have already been covered):
1. My clavicle/upper sternum
2. My shoulders/upper arms
3. My knees/calves
4. The shape of my ass through clothing
5. The shape of my tits through clothing
6. The shape of my waist through clothing
7. My ankles when wearing high heels
8. The way I walk
9. The way I stand
10. The way I sit (presupposing my legs are closed)
11. The look on my face that denotes the fact that a sexual thought might have crossed my mind in recent history


So, I'm thinking that when a girl continually gets in trouble for her clothing, again assuming that she does not wear anything that displays any of the parts from the first list up there, it's not so much the clothing as it is the girl inside the clothing. Clearly, there is something about that girl that no burkha on Earth can disguise.

I'm wondering what exactly it is about unashamed, though dutifully contained, female sexuality that is so threatening in the workplace?

At the dawn of the feminist movement, many forward-thinking women felt that dressing and behaving in a so-called "manly" fashion was the only way to be taken seriously as they ventured forth out of their kitchens. This proved to be problematic, seeing as most women (myself included) are pretty darn gender-identified and don't WANT to be man-like. Put another way, that variety of proto-feminist thought presupposes a standard of maleness to which all, male and female alike, should aspire. Well, dammit! I have no desire to look or be male, in any sort of way. Nor do I define the things that make me outwardly feminine (wearing make-up, leg-shaving, wearing bras, etc.) to be things imposed on me by a culture that has developed around men's desire to look at pretty women. I do those things because I feel MORE like myself with make-up on and my legs shaved and my boobs positioned at a flattering angle, such as might be determined by the aforementioned undergarment. My aspirations towards outward girliness do not make me feel "objectified" (to borrow some outdated terminology from my foremothers), but rather, they allow me to own the fact that I feel no shame about my female-hood. Nor do those aspirations prevent me from circumventing other aspects of proscribed gender roles (I've posted on this a-plenty!). So, really, I'm not trying to be overly womanly or manly, either one, but I'm just not interested in following gender-role-related rules that seem ultimately arbitrary.

But, in the interest of getting back to my question about female sexuality in the workplace, I still cannot figure out why it's so scary for so many people in this day and age. In the Middle Ages, the only way a woman got to be a Catholic saint was for her to be sexually mutilated in some way, like, for instance, a brutal rape that rendered her nether-regions useless, the lopping off of her breasts-- or some other horrific event that rendered her completely sexually unappealing to men. And here, I'll offer a sloppy explanation for why this was the case (based on my medieval humanities class in college and the writings of charismatic Catholic, Margaret Starbird): the going philosophy in monasteries (thriving metropolises of medieval queer culture, by the way) dictated that the relationship between priest/monk and God/Jesus was an ecstatic one-- i.e., tinged with sexuality. God was the man and the priest/monk/church-as-a-whole was the woman, in this particular relational theology. Hence, anyone who might deign to tempt the priest/monk away from his devotion to God was monstrous and scary and in desperate need of taming. And aren't women just ripe-to-the-point-of-bursting with temptations? And so, the only way to sanctify a soul tragically trapped inside a female body was to remove, destroy or somehow irreparably damage the outward signifiers of her femininity. Seriously. If you look it up, you'll find that this was the fate of most of the women canonized from 1300-1600 A.D. Does anyone else find this to be really and truly saddening?

And yet, I think the heart of this attitude continues to pervade. And that's really what my problem with being a quasi-cute girl trying to make her way in corporate America really is. I mean, I honestly do put forth an effort to not bash anyone over the head with my sexuality, but, at the same time, I'm wholly unashamed of it, too. And here's the message that is repeatedly dropped on my head, like so many steel anvils*:
1. Hide it.
2. Cover it.
3. Don't intimidate other women.
4. Don't like it when men look at you.
5. Don't do anything to attract attention.
6. Be quiet unless someone speaks to you directly.
7. Don't walk THAT way.
8. Be asexual.
9. Hide your personality, particularly if that personality contains any elements of smart-assedness, feistiness, irreverence or moxie.
10. Be demure and accommodating.
*Follow these ten simple rules and you'll be a successful corporate whore! (but you'll look like the perfect prairie housewife!)

A colleague recently said to me something about how part of my job is to "be an actress--to act the part of the professional." My auto-response mechanism quickly queries back, Who the fuck says a consummate professional is wholly asexual (or need compartmentalize his/her sexuality to such a degree that it is undetectable during work hours)???!! And I can't help but think, NO! That's NOT my job. I'm actually halfway decent at doing the stuff that IS required for my job, and nowhere does my contract stipulate that I must somehow entirely reconfigure my persona so as to perform my job well. And I certainly don't think that feeling comfortable with actually having a sexual identity impedes my job performance in any way. On the contrary, I would argue the pressure to be someone other than myself WOULD, in fact, provide such great distraction that I would NOT perform my job very well at all!

This colleague went on to say, "Well, maybe you're just not cut out for a corporate atmosphere." And, well, I agree with her there... but not because I do not think there is room for a girl to be a girl in the workplace. Truly, there are a million different reason why I'm ill-suited for my current job. But, when I'm not whining about it, I really do appreciate all that I'm learning from it. And among the things that I'm learning is that it still sucks to have to support yourself if you're a woman. Despite whatever social progress we've made on this front since World War II, being a woman and being a professional are most certainly NOT confluent concepts. I can't help but perpetually feel the pressure to forgo one for the other. And that makes me feel angry. And demoralized. And stagnant.

One last list for the record:
Things I really do like about my job:
1. I get to edit stuff-- and not just proofreading and copyediting, but real content editing.
2. I work with a whole gaggle of dynamite, brilliant, capable, funny and caring women.
3. I can pay my rent every month.
4. When I eventually leave this job, I know I will remain friends with several of the people I've met here.
5. This job is helping me with that goal about learning humility that I mentioned a couple posts ago.

And so, I soldier on.