Now Hiring: fluent (and un-squeamish) German speaker to translate post-feminist smut

So, word of Charlotte Roche's novel feuchtgebeite (which roughly translates to "Wetlands") is worming its way through assorted internet publications that I read on a regular basis. Apparently, it's all the rage in gross-out feminist lit. Some say its both admission and embrace of all that is not-so-pristine in femaledom and others say it's nothing more than South Park for gender theorists. Here's a little blurb and excerpt from Jezebel.

Even if I didn't have myriad theories about the power of pheromones, I'm pretty sure the following sentences would have me chomping at the bit to get my own little fingers on an English translation:

"I use my own pussy juice the way others use their perfume bottles. I stick a finger in my pussy and then dab the slime behind my earlobes. It works wonders when you're kissing people on the cheek."

I know, right? For good or ill, bald curiosity alone has me wishing I could read German.


And on a related (weird, German) note, you've just GOT to go to this site and watch the video you'll find therein. (...and you thought Alan Cumming's cologne sounded dirty...)