freakin' the effin' fuck right on out... and crashing

A short while ago, I put my mom on a flight back to Nash Vegas. Her presence over the past 5 days is the primary reason for my recent blog silence. When one does nothing but gab all day long for 5 days straight with one's mother, one has little verbiage left over for one's blog.

That said, I freaked out a whole bunch of times over the last several days.

I freaked out every time my home-purchase bottom line (including closing and moving costs, new furniture purchases, etc., etc., etc.) notched itself skyward. Like a rocket, really.

I freaked out when my mom mentioned the upcoming analog-to-digital TV broadcast conversion. Yeah, I don't know why this stresses me out, but it does.

I freaked out when I discovered that my new bathroom does not have any towel racks-- or a toilet paper holder.

I freaked out when I realized that my new kitchen doesn't have one single drawer. NOT ONE! Do DC residents not need places to put their effin' silverware EVEN MORE than they need Congressional representation? I mean, c'mon!

I freaked out when I went into the unit directly below mine (not yet sold) and heard a mysterious water-drippy sound coming from the washer/dryer closet.

I freaked out when I realized that the nearest organic grocery is at least 14 blocks away from my new place. And the Trader Joe's is way farther away than that. And as a result, I might not be able to sell my fossil-fuel-consuming, Iraq-War-perpetuating, carbon-exhaust-spewing, internal-combustion-engined chariot any time soon.

I freaked out when I ran into a dude who's made skeevy comments on my other blog.

I was, however, pleasantly surprised to receive an extra special cuteness discount from Pier 1 today.It seems I'm having to buy a few extra pieces of storage furniture as closet and cabinet space are both at a minimum in this place. The little assistant manager dude at my nearest Pier 1 here in Alexandria seems to have taken a shine to me. First he laughed at all my jokes (some of which weren't even actual jokes-- nor were they actually funny). Then he asked me about my taste in music (a weird question from a little dude selling me a linen chest). Then he knocked 10% off the top of said linen chest. Then he confessed that the 10% off was an incentive to bring me back to his store. Awwww... sweet. Sometimes it kind of kicks ass to be not entirely uncute. And my cuteness discount worked some magic in terms of calming my generally wigging state of mind.

And now? Now, between three weeks of near-relentless insomnia and chasing after a exceptionally energetic woman 30-ish years my senior for 5 days, I am worn the fuck out.

And I'm out of days off.


Weekend, weekend, weekend, weekend, weekend, where are you already?

Oh, and Mom? Can you please come back and feed me porridge in bed and take care of all this scary stuff and let me come back out and be a grown-up again when it's all over? I missed you immediately.

Holy hell! Can I call myself "landed gentry" now?

This post is, perhaps, yet another example of me jumping the proverbial gun. But, I picked out paint colors yesterday-- and didn't actually hear that my offer had been accepted until this afternoon. And in like fashion, I just have to SHARE! NOW! Before it's even really official!


Here's a sketch of my new building (for some reason I can't download the real photo):

I'm on the 2nd floor and my windows are the two facing front and four running along the left side.

And here's a photo of its pretty, brand new kitchen!


Well, sorta-- that's not actually MY unit-- my windows are along the side. But you roughly get the picture, right?

If I was a cheerleader, I'd do spirit fingers AND a hurky.

If I was a tele-evangelist, I would praise Gawd and say "Amen."

If I was Paris Hilton, I'd narrow my eyes to slits and tell you, with measured sedation, how hot homeownership is.

But I'm me, so, I'm merely giggling and beginning to obsess about how skinny I'll get walking everywhere once I sell my chariot! Only 6 blocks from a metro, though! Can you believe it?

Now, please cross your collective fingers that all inspections, signing of contracts and whatever other important, grown-up duties I'll have go off hitchlessly.

EEK!