"from the cunt to the head is/ a Mobius strip/ that connects us to death" --Eleni Sikelianos, excerpted from "Notes Toward the Township of Cause of Trouble (Venus Cabinet Revealed)"
This past Valentine's Day, a friend of mine at work sat down at the beginning of a meeting and said, "Happy VD!" Being not much of a mush-positive sort of woman, I heartily appreciated his sentiment. Later that day, I had an appointment with my own personal sadist--er, I mean, my (really cute) chiropractor. He greeted me with, "So! Happy Valentine's Day!" I rolled my eyes and admonished him for his embrace of such cheese. A snarky girl like me is just never gonna get on board with a holiday about eating chocolate and having once-a-year sex. Had I my druthers, both of those activities would occur daily... but if I had to pick just one, I'd banish chocolate from my existence without thinking twice. So, Hot Chiropractor says, "Well, aren't you just a little bitter!" and I said, "I'm not bitter. I just don't get off on empty and/or obligatory gestures of sentimentality." And Hot Chiropractor's eyes got real big and he said, "You just might be the perfect woman." I said, "You don't know the half of it, baby!"
OK, in real life, I left off the "baby" as I thought that would be weird, as he was about to launch into the kneading of my ass muscles with considerable force.
Now, I'm only acknowledging that VD exists on this blog because Ms. Bloodypickle herself has just informed me that an alternative holiday is approaching apotheosis. And tomorrow's the big day. March 14th. Friends, update your Outlook. Pronto.
At this point, I need to issue a disclaimer: the video on the page to which the link above will send you offends me on a couple levels-- not the least of which is because it includes a characterization of the female character as distinctly sex-negative in general and notably squeamish about fellatio in specific. What a tired and inaccurate stereotype! Beyond that, the "Valentine's Day for Guys" thing perpetuates some really obsolete mythologies about gender roles and stuff folks with differing anatomies like and don't like.
However.
I think it's about time we all add Steak and a Blowjob Day to our I think it's about time we all add Steak and a Blowjob Day to our calendars and commence to celebrating. Except that, ever since that incident wherein my mom had to review 30 steak restaurants in about a month's time, I haven't really been able to enjoy a slab of red meat of the literal variety. What a shame. Perhaps I'll double up on the other.
