So, I got bored with listing all the things I ate so I didn't post yesterday. It was more vegan, sugar-free, salt-free, caffeine free fun. Or at least, in comparison today, it sure sounds like fun. I went to Trader Joe's (complete and utter torture, by the way... especially the open carton of chocolate-covered soynut samples at the checkout) to pick up some more lemons and water, wondering if my checkout person was going to think I ran a lemonade stand for a living... but instead, he asked me if I was afraid I'd get scurvy. I'm pleased to report that I have no scurvy anxieties whatsoever.
However, as I launch into this fast, I'm encountering a few unanticipated other anxieties. For one, I'm not sure that I trust this lemon/maple syrup/cayenne concoction to actually keep me alive. I mean, the conviction that a body needs food to live runs pretty deep. The deal is, every time I feel hungry, I'm supposed to drink some of this stuff. OK, but the thing is, every time I get hungry I think about food and then I remind myself that I'm not allowed to eat any, I get a little panicked. And really, a good long swig of this stuff does stave off the hunger for, like, 1/2 an hour or so. But every time I get hungry, I can't seem to shake the doubt that I'll get that 1/2 hour of reprieve. On an average day, I have this massive friggin' appetite. I tend wonder if I'm a little sick when I'm NOT just a little bit hungry. So, I drank about 4 1/2 liters of this stuff today. And four more days of this? I'm kinda scared. I mean, what if I wake up in the middle of the night so hungry that I can't sleep? Or, am I ingesting so few calories that my body will require more rest?
But beyond these smaller worries, the desire to eat is so closely related to the desire to keep living that I'm pretty sure food consumption is more than just a habit we've all gotten into and can't quite shake. Hunger is not a state of mind. Generally, I resist the notion that the mind and the body are separate concepts, seeing as that which creates the mind-- i.e., the brain-- is a body part. And so this sort of activity that pits the mind against the body in a contest of wills goes against my general sense of philosophic direction. I'm secretly hoping that either my mind decides this is a hare-brained idea and gives up or my body gets into the swing of things and stops arguing so vehemently about its needs. Because even thinking about them as separate entities isn't making much sense to me. Perhaps this isn't so much of a debate between mind and body-- both of which, in the end, require food to operate-- but between will and necessity. Or between will and desire. See? There you go. I guess my own personal jury is still out on whether hunger is a question of desire or need.
I'm sure I'll have more to say on that, as I have a hunch, along about Friday, I'll be eroticizing everything edible of which I can think.
Also, drinking this much maple syrup has deposited a distinct layer of plaque all over my teeth, and the rest of my mouth, too. Tomorrow, I shall be bringing my toothbrush with me to work. Yuck!
7 comments:
Stop torturing yourself, Marjorie! Food is good, even if it means pee like hellfire. But then again, I've never had an infection creep all the way up to my bladder.
However, my sorority sister had chronic bladder infections and I remember going to the hospital with her to get botox injections to ease the pain. Female troubles...man...
Feel better!
" ... the large bowl of chopped raw vegetables I'd brought for lunch. It included alfalfa sprouts, yellow bell pepper, cherry tomatoes, cucumber and the better portion of a bulb of fennel. To dress that big bowl of health, I was allowed a tablespoon of flaxseed oil, some lime juice, an insane amount of garlic and cayenne pepper."
I shudder to think how different our world would be if the boys who fought the good fight at Agincourt, Bosworth Field, Rocroi, Yorktown, Waterloo, Gettysburg, Vimy Ridge, Omaha Beach, Inchon, Hue, Khafji, Fallujah, etc., had consumed alfalfa sprouts and flaxseed oil on the eve of battle. Lord, I'm pretty sure that a global network upon which folks discussed their self-induced diarrhea and bladder infections would not exist if Hitler's western defenders had gone toe-to-toe with fennel-eating Yanks and Tommies.
Think about THAT the next time you're chugging salt-water, Ms. Curly.
Ginger-- thanks for the sympathy! I just gotta get this friggin' antibiotic out of my body. If I don't quit itching, I might lose my mind. But I'm actually feeling ok.
And Mr. Pseudonym-- what're you doing? Just trying incite something? I'm well aware that I can engage in activities such as this experiement only because I'm EXTREMELY privileged. But beyond, uh, either your writing style or your argument makes no sense. I've tried to parse it out... but, I just can't figure out how it relates to, well, anything. Besides, if you can't look me in the eye in real life, how'd you get so tough here?
"Just trying incite something?" <-- Ol' Joltin' Django would NEVER do such a thing!
"Besides, if you can't look me in the eye in real life, how'd you get so tough here?"
How do you know that I haven't "looked you in the eye" ...?
Cordially,
JD
You'd be surprised the info my pageload counter gives me about the identities of my visitors.
My dear Marjorie,
Though I am as always reluctant to intrude into your blogsite, you know I care very much for you and feel compelled to comment on your recent round of self abuse. If I may offer an observation from Anne Linge, University of Washington dietician: The long-term consequences of fad diets can include heart disease, kidney and gallbladder problems, and other health problems associated with nutrient deficiencies.
I would hate to see you sallow skinned, hollow eyed, scrawny, with sagging breasts and your hair and teeth falling out. And it would bring me the deepest sorrow to outlive you. Just like you can't run a car on water, the body needs fuel. Instead of torturing yourself and seriously endangering your health, why don't you just go to a damned doctor?
Perhaps I have no right to say anything, for I'm sure you consider me a culinary barbarian inasmuch as I'm a meat and potatoes guy, a dedicated carnivore. But at least I am extremely healthy. Love, j.
Oh, good lord Jack-- I'm not endangering my health, nor is this a fad diet. These sorts of cleanses are very well documented and perfectly safe. If need be, I can provide you with loads and loads of evidence in support of it. I didn't do this on a whim-- I've been researching it for over a year and have a number of friends who've done it-- and done for far longer than I plan to. And I will not not not go see more doctors! They're the ones who make me sicker in the first place-- goddamn pill-pushers! The fewer synthetic substances I have in my body, the better it functions. Hell, alcohol is perfectly natural and my body can't even tolerate THAT. So why on earth would I go see someone who wants to put me on more drugs when, if one treats food as medicine, one can live much healthier to begin with. So save your concern, Jack. YOu really know not of what you speak.
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