Marjorie's Post-Fast Soup of Vegan Fun

1 tbsp cold-press extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp cold press organic flax seed oil
1 large yellow onion
4 stalks celery
4 small carrots
2 cloves garlic
1 cup green lentils
8 cups water
3 small turnips
5 baby Yukon gold potatoes
4 small baby sweet potatoes (or one medium-sized regular one)
1 small yellow summer squash
4 big leaves of bok choi
2 medium-sized tomatoes
1 cup chopped green beans
4 leaves green kale (you can also add turnip greens here if you want more greens--I couldn't find them at the store)
1 1/2 tbsp chopped fresh ginger
1 long stalk fresh lemon grass
2 tbsp fresh basil leaves
2 tbsp fresh cilantro
the juice of 2 limes
1 1/2 tbsp salt
a generous splash of soy sauce
cayenne pepper (if you've just been through the fast, you should be able to tolerate quite a bit of cayenne)


In a large pot (the biggest I've got is my Dutch oven and it was overflowing by the end of this process), saute the chopped onion in the olive and flax seed oils until it begins to become translucent. Add the chopped celery and carrots and cook until they begin to soften. Then add the garlic and saute until fragrant. Add the lentils and stir so that they become coated with the oil and heated through. Then add 6 cups of the water and bring to a good simmer.

Once the water is hot, add the chopped turnips, potatoes and sweet potatoes. While those are beginning to cook, chop the rest of the vegetables. Add the squash and green beans and let them begin to cook first. Then, several minutes later, add the tomatoes, bok choi and kale. Sprinkle with salt. Add in the ginger, lemon grass, lime juice, soy sauce and cayenne. If you've been chopping vegetables as you go, it will likely have taken you about 45 minutes to an hour from the time you started sauteing the onions, so the lentils and root vegetables should be cooked through. Be careful not to overcook the vegetables or the soup will lose its fresh taste and begin to taste like every other boring vegetable soup you ever had.

At the last minute, stir in chopped basil and cilantro leaves. And then thank whatever or whoever you usually pray to that food exists. Be happy and feel virtuous, you, with your plaque-free colon! You survived!

After you serve the first bowl, add the remaining 2 cups of water because you will have drained most of the broth. You'll have enough leftover to eat for the next couple of days while your body re-acclimates to having food in it.



And in case you're wondering, yes, I made this up all by myself. The Whole Foods produce section can be immensely inspiring when you haven't eaten for a week.

Days 7, 8 and 9

I would have posted more stuff about my various and assorted gastronomic adventures this weekend, but it was really more of the same and I was bored with that. I did, in fact, manage to make it all the way up until this morning when I broke my fast with a glass of diluted orange juice. I get to drink several glasses of OJ today... and no solid food until late in the day tomorrow. So far, I've had no issues with the orange juice but I'm nervous about having my stomach reject stuff tomorrow. I've got a bottle of pro-biotics at home, and one of the websites recommends that I take some of those to restore the good bacteria to my belly. Usually, pro-biotics (the opposite of antibiotics) do wonders for my general feeling of well-being. If I liked yogurt or Kombucha (fermented green tea-- some whacked-out-tasting stuff!) more, I'd probably stick to those, seeing as they contain similar live active cultures, but I'll admit to breaking my no-pill rule for this particular dietary supplement.

So, anyway, my skin is clearer than it has been since before I hit puberty and I can once again fit into the jeans I bought when I was going through my break-up with my ex-girlfriend, Michelle, three years ago. And the best news of all? I don't itch anymore! So, all in all, I deem this project a success.

However, I'm itching (in a psychic sort of way) to get back to my usual movie rants. I still haven't finished talking about the NaFF and, over the past few weeks, I've been staging an Almodovar retrospective in my living room in celebration of the DVD release of Volver.

And so, let this post mark the official end of my discussion of my fast. There've been laughs. There've been tears. There's been controversy. There's been food-porn. But now it's over.

And to that, I toast with a glass of diluted orange juice.

Day 6: Eating is sexy again

A sauce for chicken made with lemon, maple syrup, cayenne, shallots and maybe a little cream. The guacamole burgers and Swedish fries from Bobbi's Dairy Dip. Bananas. Bleu cheese. Tomatoes. Tomato soup. Pulled pork shoulder barbecue. Lime sorbet. English clotted cream. Polish sausage. Spanish chorizo. Green tea ice cream. Pita bread. Sopa de albondigas from Maya Quetzal. Dutch process cocoa, no sugar. My famous vegetarian lasagna. My famous beer/chipotle chili. Birthday cake. Stir-fried tofu and vegetables. Pork tenderloin po-boys. Tuna rolls. Cardamom cookies. Chess pie. Red velvet cake. Coconut cake. Thanksgiving stuffing. French onion soup. Portobello mushrooms stuffed with roasted red peppers and ricotta cheese. Baby artichoke risotto. Mangoes. Raspberries. Bing cherries. Strawberries. Pineapple. Tomatoes. Tomatoes. Tomatoes. Mom's famous Grand Marnier pan souffle. Popovers. Shortbread. Apricot scones. Walnut tarts. Lime paletas. Tamarind paletas. Cucumber paletas. Salsa. Coffee and chickory. White peony tea. Greek yogurt with honey. Cashew butter. Pistachios. Gyros. Black beans and rice. Cilantro. Chicken sagwala. Wild mushroom soup. Butternut squash soup. Salt. Maple fudge. Cornbread with jalapenos and onions. Crusty French bread. Aged gouda. Rice pudding. Chicken stuffed with bleu cheese and walnuts. Arugula. Enchiladas with chile verde salsa. Parmisiano Reggiano. Prociutto. Apricots. Nectarines. Plums. Grapefruit. Lentils. Peppercorns. Spicy hot chocolate. Pork tenderloin with prickly pear sauce from Janos. Chicken Mole from Cafe Poca Cosa. Chicken with white wine and shallot sauce. Brown rice. Baked potatoes. Cotton candy. Crystallized ginger. Thai red curry. Green beans. Pork tenderloin with bananas from Virago. Fried plantains. Hot chicken. Hot and sour soup. Steamed broccoli. Gyoza. 75% cacao chocolate. Garlic. Janos' chocolate jalapeno ice cream. Hummus. Soba noodles. Green papaya salad. Tarragon. Mushrooms. Pine nuts. Saffron. Basil. Those mushrooms I said I'd marry from Layl'a Rul. Pears. Spinach pizza from DaVinci's. Okra. Turnips. Yukon golds. Artichokes. Belgian endive. Venison. Poppy seeds. Mustard seeds. Yellow mustard. Dijon mustard. Spicy Chinese mustard. Bagels. Knudsen's Very Veggie juice. Shepherd's pie. Oatmeal. Horchata. Sole with butter-leek sauce. Mom's leek and potato soup. A spoonful of sugar. A spoonful of honey. Whipped cream. Buttercream icing. Blood orange and ricotta cheesecake from Cafe Nonna. Michelle's fried egg, tomato and cheddar sandwiches. Beercan chicken. Grilled lambchops. Avocados. Avocados. Avocados. Lemonade without cayenne pepper in it. Pina colada smoothies. Vanilla. Nutmeg. Mashed potatoes. My chocolate ganache homemade icecream. Creme fraiche. Mascarpone cheese. Pancakes. Key lime pie. Poetry Center Punch. Jicama and lime. Fennel bulb. Mache. Carrots. Sharp cheddar. Tabasco. Zucchini. Zucchini and rice frittatas. Raw green beans.

And Twinkies.


Hunger is supposed to abate on the third day of fasting.

It didn't.

Day 5: stop giving me shit, people!

So, it seems some friends are starting to give me some flack about how unhealthy "fad diets" are and whatnot. This thing that I'm doing is called the Master Cleanse and versions of it have been around for centuries. You can follow this link if you simply must have more information, but I can assure you: it's perfectly safe. Grade B maple syrup is loaded with minerals and assorted vitamins-- not to mention sugar (i.e., calories)-- and let's keep in mind, I'm drinking about a cup and a half of it every day! And lemon juice is a natural antiseptic that kills all kinds of bad stuff. And the cayenne is just yummy. OK, that's just because I like it. Really, I think the concoction tastes pretty good-- and I'm not just saying that because I haven't eaten anything in two days. But folks, seriously. I'm fine. I need to get the evil, toxic, sickening, rash-inducing prescription drugs out of my system. If I go to a conventional doctor, he or she will poopoo my anxieties about taking drugs and then prescribe something new and even more evil. I've taken that avenue before and at this point, I feel like conventional medicine is for emergencies only. If I had to ask someone to sew my arm back on, sure, I'd go to a hospital. But little day-to-day ailments? I do believe that you can use food as medicine -- and as much as I love many things that aren't so good for me, I have to acknowledge the fact that I really do feel a lot better when I don't eat those things. So, folks, lay off it! I'm not trying to kill myself or do damage to my internal organs or starve myself skinny or anything of that nature. I want these toxins out of my body... and I want them out NOW! I don't think this is unreasonable.


However, after that big long disclaimer, I find that I must admit that I'm beginning to lose faith in this project. I was actually far less hungry today than I was yesterday. I feel perfectly normal, actually. I'm having these doubts today mainly I don't think I'm really experiencing too many of the detox symptoms. I'll spare you the details and let the curious follow this link. Except, maybe, I've gotten a little of the tongue-coating thing but I really attribute that back to the maple syrup. It's a hell of a lot of sugar that I'm ingesting. It's only natural that it would do that to the inside of my mouth.

But I'm thinking, well, I don't smoke (not one cigarette in my entire life, thank you) and I drink, really, very little alcohol. I eat meat maybe two or three times a week and, outside of the tablespoon of cream I put in my coffee, dairy things are kind of special-occasions food items for me. So, the worst that I do to myself is that I eat more wheat than I should-- though I try to do whole grains as much as possible-- and the one single cup of coffee in the mornings. My point is that maybe I'm already pretty clean? With the exception of two rounds of antibiotics in the last year (both of which I reacted to) and about three nights last month where I had to take a decongestant so I could sleep, well, how toxic could I be?

Seeing as I feel ok, I think I could probably pull this out for a while if I had to. But I'm not sure I see the point when I feel pretty confident that my body will have gotten rid of the majority its bad stuff by, like, Saturday. And I'm not sure that continuing this just to test my mental fortitude is all that great a reason to do so. My goal is still to hold out until the end of Sunday... and I guess I'll assess if I want to keep going when I get there.

Day 3/4: Food is for sissies

So, I got bored with listing all the things I ate so I didn't post yesterday. It was more vegan, sugar-free, salt-free, caffeine free fun. Or at least, in comparison today, it sure sounds like fun. I went to Trader Joe's (complete and utter torture, by the way... especially the open carton of chocolate-covered soynut samples at the checkout) to pick up some more lemons and water, wondering if my checkout person was going to think I ran a lemonade stand for a living... but instead, he asked me if I was afraid I'd get scurvy. I'm pleased to report that I have no scurvy anxieties whatsoever.

However, as I launch into this fast, I'm encountering a few unanticipated other anxieties. For one, I'm not sure that I trust this lemon/maple syrup/cayenne concoction to actually keep me alive. I mean, the conviction that a body needs food to live runs pretty deep. The deal is, every time I feel hungry, I'm supposed to drink some of this stuff. OK, but the thing is, every time I get hungry I think about food and then I remind myself that I'm not allowed to eat any, I get a little panicked. And really, a good long swig of this stuff does stave off the hunger for, like, 1/2 an hour or so. But every time I get hungry, I can't seem to shake the doubt that I'll get that 1/2 hour of reprieve. On an average day, I have this massive friggin' appetite. I tend wonder if I'm a little sick when I'm NOT just a little bit hungry. So, I drank about 4 1/2 liters of this stuff today. And four more days of this? I'm kinda scared. I mean, what if I wake up in the middle of the night so hungry that I can't sleep? Or, am I ingesting so few calories that my body will require more rest?

But beyond these smaller worries, the desire to eat is so closely related to the desire to keep living that I'm pretty sure food consumption is more than just a habit we've all gotten into and can't quite shake. Hunger is not a state of mind. Generally, I resist the notion that the mind and the body are separate concepts, seeing as that which creates the mind-- i.e., the brain-- is a body part. And so this sort of activity that pits the mind against the body in a contest of wills goes against my general sense of philosophic direction. I'm secretly hoping that either my mind decides this is a hare-brained idea and gives up or my body gets into the swing of things and stops arguing so vehemently about its needs. Because even thinking about them as separate entities isn't making much sense to me. Perhaps this isn't so much of a debate between mind and body-- both of which, in the end, require food to operate-- but between will and necessity. Or between will and desire. See? There you go. I guess my own personal jury is still out on whether hunger is a question of desire or need.

I'm sure I'll have more to say on that, as I have a hunch, along about Friday, I'll be eroticizing everything edible of which I can think.

Also, drinking this much maple syrup has deposited a distinct layer of plaque all over my teeth, and the rest of my mouth, too. Tomorrow, I shall be bringing my toothbrush with me to work. Yuck!

Day 2

The good news is that my headache has abated, to a degree. It's still there but I can think again, which is always nice.

The bad news is that I've been hungry for most of the day.

I forced myself to drink a smoothie made of berries and almonds and a banana well before my hunger cue had kicked in for the day, mostly because I couldn't think of a good way to transport the stuff to work. What would they do if I showed up with my mini-cuisinart and a frozen banana? And then I got to eat 3 plums.. which I tried to drag out all morning because the early smoothie kick-started my appetite. I made it all the way to 10:30 before I was eying the remains of a chocolate bar, still on my desk from my previous life... uh... last week. And then around 11:30, I caved and figured I'd better go investigate the large bowl of chopped raw vegetables I'd brought for lunch. It included alfalfa sprouts, yellow bell pepper, cherry tomatoes, cucumber and the better portion of a bulb of fennel. To dress that big bowl of health, I was allowed a tablespoon of flaxseed oil, some lime juice, an insane amount of garlic and cayenne pepper. I've been eating so much garlic the last couple of days, I don't know how much fun it is to hang out with me. Fortunately for me, I cannot smell myself! And then, my afternoon snack consisted of celery and cucumber sticks for the dipping into tahini. And you know? The first few bites of tahini all by itself (as opposed to in its proper place amongst chickpeas and lemon juice) are ok. But long about your 7th or 8th bite, it occurs to you that tahini tastes a lot like snot. And so, I deemed snack time over. When I finally decided that I was going to vacate my miserable job for the evening, I rushed home because I was already starving and knew I had at least an hour of cooking ahead of me. And here I sit, shoveling down a bowl of pureed vegetable soup that was just awful until I added a buttload of the approved herbs and spices. It's still bland and less satsifying than the squash/potato thing I made last night. I think, in a little while, I get to eat a bowl of fruit with some pecans on top. While I'm sure this sounds festive to all of you, I'm really beginning to doubt my commitment to the post-detox fast part. If I'm this hungry while I'm still eating solid food... yeah, I just don't know...

Man, I'd really love a burger and some icecream right about now.

Should I be disappointed?

So, not very much happened with my salt water flush except that initially, I felt very thirsty and very bloated... and then I drank more water and got more bloated. And then I got a little crampy sort of stomachache and then I got very very cold. And then, I expelled a very small quantity of matter. So, though I followed the directions to a T, I guess it's possible that I did it wrong? But then maybe because my usual diet is rather fiber-heavy to begin with, maybe there wasn't a whole lot backed up there? Yeah, I dunno.

So, now that I've arisen and begin the first day of eating monastically, I have fed myself a rather chewy smoothie of orange, papaya, coconut and cinnamon. It tasted quite nice but is no substitute for my Misha's Route 66 Dark Roast Blend. I have a little headache and I think I'm psychosomatically hungry. I mean, I rarely eat much of anything beyond coffee until 10 or 11 in the morning (assuming I've arisen around 6), but the idea that I now have to wait a couple of hours until I allow myself a lovely morning snack of 1 apple and 1 pear (both, unfortunately, out of season) incites in me a deep desire to go gorge on cookies.

I will stay strong.

Much prodding of beach rubble to come

The above title is a reference to one of Sappho's fragments that my friend Frances often quotes. I think the most common translation is something like "Those who are squeamish should not prod the beach rubble." I begin this post, which is likely to lead into a little bit of an intermission between movie posts, in such a way because I am about to begin a detox, followed by a little fast. I do not have plans to do as my friend Jason did and post pictures of the contents of my toilet as I navigate this little project (if anyone really wants to know, I think they're still out there. I can supply the link), but let this serve as fair warning that I do intend to document my progress here... and it may get a little ooky now and again.

I'm doing this because last week, I had yet another one of my recurrent bladder infections. From what I gather, yeah, sure, plenty of girls get these... but I'm telling you! They're really the total opposite of fun. Well, once my usual spasms had progressed to the point where I was peeing pink-- and staying up all night, thinking that reading my friend Jennifer's memoir manuscript-- which is a remarkable onomatopoeic screech of gorgeous writing -- was just about the only thing exciting enough to distract me from the needles in my urinary tract--I figured I'd better succumb and go on an antibiotic. Usually, my body hates foreign chemicals and rebels in all sorts of interesting ways. But this time, I'd made it all the way through my round of pills... and even several more days... but then, yesterday, I awoke to a sensation something akin to spiders crawling around my kneepits. But though I was itchy throughout the day, yesterday was manageable. Today, however, I think I would enjoy ripping the skin right off the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet very very much. And same goes for any place covered with hair. No, I'm not kidding. And no, I don't have crabs ( I did actually check... prior to reminding myself just exactly how unlikely that particular diagnosis is). But, yeah, so, I've got yet another creeping rash... and so, my solution is to smoke out as many nasty synthetic compounds from my body as possible... via my very own amalgam of detoxes and fasts.

My first step-- which will commence upon completion of this post-- will be to guzzle a quart of salt water. Everyone I know says that you really kinda have to be sitting on the pot to do this step because it acts pretty darn fast. I'm a little scared about this part. I don't like peein' out my butt. Really, I don't. And don't you worry. I'll let you know EXACTLY how it goes.

My next step will be to eat three days worth of weird mixtures of vegetables, for which I just went and spent $100 at Whole Foods. My poor checkout girl was slightly flummoxed when I arrived with pretty much one of everything from the entire produce section. The bad part about this step is that I have to eat healthy grains like millet and quinoa, for which I do not particularly care. The good part is that I get to eat a LOT of tomatoes. OK, really? I eat a crazy amount of tomatoes anyway. Pretty much every night, I eat about a pint of cherry tomatoes for dinner. Just because I love them so.

The step after that will be to repeat the unpleasant salt water flushing business.

And then I'll begin my fast in earnest. I hoping to be able to pull it out for at least 5 days. All I get to eat is this concoction made from water, lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper (that may sound distasteful to some of you, but I enjoy all the ingredients, so I'm hoping for the best). And I also get as much, uh, water (!) as I want!!! The guide to this fast says that I should do it for a minimum of 10 days... and if I really wanted to, I could go for 40 days drinking nothing but that weird lemonade stuff. That seems just a touch ambitious for a hedonist such as myself but we'll see how I feel 5 days in.

So, needless to say, the stuff that's really off my list right now includes caffeine, alcohol, meat, dairy, sugar and wheat. At least, those are the main things. I'm thinking I'll probably have a little caffeine withdrawal headache for the first couple of days... and shortly after that, I'll do that food obsessing thing that happens when you're just so friggin' hungry... but then, all the literature says that that fades and that you start to feel quite normal. I'm hoping to not encounter too many of the odors that the body is supposed to emit while ridding itself of the assorted venoms of the typical American diet (I self-flatteringly assume that my normal diet isn't all that typically American, seeing as it's so heavily weighted with tomatoes and greens and other fruit, but I do keep a pint of icecream in the freezer and I do put heavy cream in my chicory/coffee every morning, so I'm no food-saint). But I'm really really really hoping that I can get a little respite from the spare tire that seemed to show up long about the time I turned 24.. and hasn't loosened one iota since, regardless of strenuousness and frequency of my yoga practice. Oh, spare tire, how I hate you. How eagerly I anticipate your departure.

And now I commence. I may or may not spare you the details.