... take my sofa. Please!

The time has come for the infamous Bird Sofa de Chez Marjorie to find a new home. It's a lovely sofa, it really is. I've taken many a satisfying nap thereupon. However, it's getting replaced by a sexy new clean-cut version. And the sexy new clean-cut version happens to be swathed in a deeply erotic cranberry-red microsuede. *Shivers!* More than likely, it's so sexy that no one will want to buy the new one from me when I'm done with it... if my gist isn't too distastefully blatant. The Bird Sofa, however, is in near-pristine condition, due to the fact that it's been slipcovered most recently. So, despite all the napping, there has been no drooling. And it's for sale!

In a slightly misguided attempt to reach a wider audience, I'm posting about it here, just in case somebody in the greater Washington DC area happens upon my blog and is in desperate need of a sofa with birds on it. For cheap.

You know you want it! You know you have a friend with a truck who'll drive you to Alexandria to pick it up! C'mon... It can be your sexy new clean-cut Bird Sofa!

Just take the flippin' thing, damnit!

I dub thee...

The official name of my new car is now (fanfare, please!) "Cupcake." This is the best name for my car for an assortment of reasons,all of which will remain inside jokes.

The winner is clearly the most brilliant of my friends: none other than Ms. C. R. And the next time I see her, I will doubtlessly grant her a hug.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, C. I can't imagine a more fitting name. For about a millions reasons.

What's wrong with you people?

An appropriate name has not yet surfaced for my vehicle. And I thought my friends were all so creative...

C'mon, people, surely someone can top "The Shimmering Flicker Motor Car Experience featuring Patricia Blaze."

Sooner or later, I'm going to have to declare a winner. I can't keep this contest open indefinitely, you know. Just think of my sad, nameless car, sitting on a slight diagonal, due to my poor parking, all forlorn, out there in the parking lot... It's sad, right?

Let's name this beast already!

A Laughable Contest

OK, so, I know this is only going to be a test of how truly paltry my readership really is. But, I have a new car and *it* (*it* will remain non-gender-specific until appropriate nomenclature is determined) needs a name. My old car was kinda champagne-colored, and because my last name is "Wine," it was only logical that its (it remained un-gendered for the duration of its lifetime) name was "Sparklin'."

The new car is silver. It does not have a cracked transmission case and--this is the best part--the "check engine" lamp isn't even ON!!! That's really all you need to know. Have at it. Name away!

Look at it this way: because so few people read this blog, and even fewer still are going to actually submit a name for consideration, your chances of winning are tremendous!

The prize will be, uh, a congratulatory mention on this very blog. And if I like the winner, and the winner lives within a reasonable proximity to my person, I will also hug the winner. What more could you want?

OK, I'm gonna go ahead and rule out "Poopsy." "Sugar-tits" is still in contention, though. As is "Hagelian Dialectic."

(Nobody call my car "Poopsy," OK?)